I remember having tantrums at the age of twelve, looking at the prices of these things. Maybe it’s the music.

I remember all my muscles locking up, arms contorted, legs dove-toed. Knees helping me do this funny dance. It’s serious. Everyone can hear, everyone’s looking, this is being told to my grandparents. I’m a nancy boy, that’s what this is. This is because I’m spoilt.

All the blood I owned going to my head, water in my nose, water in my eyes, running into my mouth. I’m now panting and screaming, face wet and ruddy.

BUT. BUT. BUT. BUT. I WANT IT.YOU SAID. PLEASE. I JUST. I. I. I. I. W-W-WAN - MA-MA-MUM

How old am I now? I don’t know how old I am. All this is in my head now, I just stop talking and start running when something’s not what I want.

.

I wrote these during the week. They’re about different things. I feel like I have to introduce them a bit now, I won’t be doing this again, introducing things is stupid. Introducing people is important. Because once you’ve been introduced they can rip you off.

.

You Sound Like

.

What do you think

What is inside there

.

This is what I have to know

.

Square pegs in round holes, everyone.

.

Because I’m out of my depth,

again,

When you’re like me

And you can only pick up the kitchen-scraps

And wade through deep fogs, your voice echoing

And smell what could just be a hallucination

You’d be pleased to know what the secret is.

.

I’m only responsible for me,

and the emotions of a million other people

.

And when I said no,

I did it with the least emotion and care I’d ever used in my life

There’s a control panel somewhere

.

Famous last words

.

For Z

.

The liars

The liars are the ones who smile so

And become different people

I’ll be me

I left a beer bottle on your stairs

If your mother came home

that night and killed herself walking up them

I’d turn myself in

.

A lady on the mobile phone, as I left the train, my face in a book:

.

FUCKING HELL JOEL
THE FOOD ISN’T FOR ME

I’M NOT GOING TO BE EATING

IT’S FOR YOU!

GO AND GET THE FUCKING FOOD JOEL.

FUCKING HELL JOEL.

.

You know I’m starting to miss a lot of people I still talk to a lot.