had a shave today (:

It actually lifted my mood a lot. I am struggling again—i just keep dwelling on issues that are difficult for me, like my languishing PhD thesis, the implosion of a recent close friendship/comradeship that has been difficult for many months now, and the fact that I am going to have to steel myself for another semester at a punitive and uncaring university.

I feel lost. I am not deriving any joy from the usual hobbies and activities I do right now, and I have to spend long stretches of the day alone.

Depression is a killer. It induces you to dwell on things you thought you had resolved and forgotten, and you begin sliding and snowballing into less and less functional states.

I am thinking of all those also struggling from the aggravation Covid done to people’s already delicate mental health. Here are my coping strategies, perhaps you will find them helpful.

• I have kept a mood journal since 2009

• I give myself affirmations and gratitudes

• I try and reach out to others that I trust and communicate my needs as well as I can

• I try and make short lists of things to achieve over different time spans, to mitigate the feeling of helplessness

Unfortunately, when you have severely chronic mental health issues like I do, these things are just band aids on wounds that need more serious treatment.

Anyway, I’m just writing this all out because, frankly, despite everything I’ve been through, I want to live. I want to feel joy and contentment. I am not going to give up.

Dare to struggle, dare to win: if you don’t fight, you lose.