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I Feel Lost

2021-02-09

had a shave today (:

It actually lifted my mood a lot. I am struggling again—i just keep dwelling on issues that are difficult for me, like my languishing PhD thesis, the implosion of a recent close friendship/comradeship that has been difficult for many months now, and the fact that I am going to have to steel myself for another semester at a punitive and uncaring university.

I feel lost. I am not deriving any joy from the usual hobbies and activities I do right now, and I have to spend long stretches of the day alone.

Depression is a killer. It induces you to dwell on things you thought you had resolved and forgotten, and you begin sliding and snowballing into less and less functional states.

I am thinking of all those also struggling from the aggravation Covid done to people’s already delicate mental health. Here are my coping strategies, perhaps you will find them helpful.

Unfortunately, when you have severely chronic mental health issues like I do, these things are just band aids on wounds that need more serious treatment.

Anyway, I’m just writing this all out because, frankly, despite everything I’ve been through, I want to live. I want to feel joy and contentment. I am not going to give up.

Dare to struggle, dare to win: if you don’t fight, you lose.

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