BOOTLICKER

OHHHHHH D'JYEEEAH.

2009-03-11

PHASE #3

Songs that have changed my life.

Now I’m All Over the Shop - Maximo Park

(Maximo: I think this is when I first started liking music, properly. Rather than just shit you hear on the radio. It’s pretty angry, but I feel like I’m in love when I listen to it…)

No Surpises - Radiohead

Love Your Way - Powderfinger (Actually the whole album, Vulture Street)

Whole second side to Abbey Road

Deja Vu - Something for Kate

That’s Good - Devo

(Devo: Uh, let’s just say there’s a lot more, but this will suffice, hahahah)

Country Gentlemen - Ambulance LTD

Anecdote - Ambulance LTD

(Not that LTD is my favourite band or anything, they kind of complement each other, even though they’re in different releases.)

Message to My Girl - Split Enz

PHASE #4 - I DIG A PIGMY BY .. mumbles PHASE #1 IN WHICH DORIS GETS HER OATS:

.

Christian and I often sit out the front of the house. It’s not like there’s nothing on TV, or that there isn’t the fucking Water Temple to memorise.

Wait, the water level is too low, how the fuck do we get up there?

Use the hookshot!

Blair, there’s nothing to targe-

Use the hookshot!

And it’s not like we haven’t got any work we should be doing.

Ahhhhh! Morning everyone!

Holy shit!

What? Can’t a man just appreciate a wonderful morning before going to Uni?

You’ve been appreciating the bottom of your gin bottle for the past month. Oh. Yeah you kind of also missed exams.Where’re you going?

To a fucking gin bottle!

It’s just that tonight is a special night. Christian and I are memorising our exact positions, the fact I’m not wearing shoes and I’ve stolen a pillow from David’s bed and I’m sitting on it on the railing of the veranda, Christian just as comfortably reclining on the sofa we moved out through the front window. We’re discussing how long we have until Lee Leeington, possibly our favourite person in the world shows up, and destroys this beautiful air of excitement.

I was just about to formally bet Christian three packets of cashews (if you know me well, you’d understand how serious this was) that we had at most three hours before the public spectacle of a lifetime had begun.

“OOOhhhhh!! OHHahhahahhhh!!!! OOOoooOOoooOo00Oo000Ooo00H!”

“Jesus Christ.”

“This is gold.”

“OHHHH OHH JEAN LUC PICARD! OH WON’T THE TRIPLE GODDESS DESCEND…”

Devon. Devon Whatshisname. Neither Christian or I enquired about his full name, let alone his real name when we took him on when we had room to let. His total lack of emotion when he served us at Clark Rubber Cannington appealed to us, he seemed like the perfect balance between a mentally deranged manic obsessive who found life impossible to live without pens, and David Byrne, possibly the universe’s greatest egoist.

“OH WOULD THE LORD GOAT OF WICCA PLEASE CREATE THE LIKENESS OF JEAN LUC PICARD!”

Suffice to say, within a week we found Devon spanking off to a well-played Star Trek tape in the livingroom. How we collected our other.. ‘friends’ is something you will just have to learn as we go.

“I think he’s fucked up the pentacle hey.”

“Shit you’re right, it’s not touching the circle - HEY D-”

“Shut up! This is too good to interrupt!”

To be continued.