I think the bullying I experienced from the beginning of primary school right up until the end of high school was largely effective. it has affected me in such a profound way that I am just becoming aware of how it shaped me as a person.
I am so worried about being alienated and being excluded. I constantly feel as if people’s negative social behaviour towards me is always about me. It almost never is. I can’t take criticism at all. Any little negative comment towards me sends me into a spiral of anxiety.
I absolutely love politics. I want to be a true revolutionary, and be a hero and sacrifice myself for the revolution. I want to dedicate my life to the struggle. But it is a miracle I have gotten as far as I have in the world of real world communism.
I can’t tolerate negative social interactions. I take political criticisms as personal affronts. I am just learning the difference between the two. I am riddled with anxiety and I feel as if I have to do everything perfectly. It takes me half a week to recover from this.
Bullying has so perfectly neutered my self esteem and integrated me into the prevailing forms of ideological thought. My inability to fit in has been perfectly answered with social exclusion and emoional manipulation.
The problem with socialism is that it does take too many evenings, and we brutalise each other by the way capitalism promotes competition within the working class.
My response to this is to actually carry out what we were taught hypocritically in catechism. I guess my only response to remedying the trauma we exact on each other at the individual level is just to practice agape.
We truly are dependent on each other, as Alasdair Macintyre says. I don’t care how conservative this sounds, I’m sick of what neoliberalism has done to the social integration of the people in my country. I feel so ashamed to talk about the things I am interested in.
My best friend, an Italian citizen, has to stop my habitual apologising after I feel as if I have talked too much. He has noted many times how australians are rude, uncaring, distant, uninterested in each other, in short, atomised and pathetically indifferent to other people.
Life is too beautiful for things to go on this way. Human friendship and kinship is too important to allow us to have it swept away.
Say NO to bullying. LOVE the people around you.