BOOTLICKER

End of September Checkin

2018-09-23

Hello everyone. Blair here.

I have worked two weeks of this job, and I am enjoying it greatly. If you didn’t know already, I have been working as an apprentice auto mechanic at a workshop here in Sydney. It is a very big workshop, with around 30 to 40 mechanics. I am in the Peugeot/Citroen team, and I am having a really good time. I have made many friends among the other apprentices, and we all support each other and help raise each other up.

I still have anxiety working in this job as always, but I am dealing with it a lot better now that I have some new medication. I am taking Abilify and Lexapro now, where before I was taking Latuda instead of the Ability, before.

I was feeling very suicidal at the beginning of August because my PhD was going nowhere, and I had not been able to find a job. I had found a job in May as an auto mechanic, but the leading hand at that workshop was a real bully and a brute, and was tormenting me with mind games, alleging that I was not really interested in the job, and that if that was the case “I was not lying to him (the leading hand), I was lying to myself”.

Because I feel so anxious in the job sometimes, I tend to make very silly errors, and say very unintelligent things. It makes me look like I know less than I do. When I feel more comfortable, I do a much better job. In any case, the anxiety I feel on the job is only about 10% of the anxiety I was feeling before. I feel much, much better now.

The reason I feel better, and that I am on different medication now, is because my family flew me back to my home town of Perth to get hospitalised for my high level of suicidality. There, I did therapy and changed my meds. I had a much better psychiatrist looking after me, and she actually seemed to care a great deal more than all the other psychiatrists I had seen before.

It turns out that the two medications I had been on before, Invega, and Latuda, had been sedating me for the past 5 years. They had crippled my energy levels and left me sleeping somewhere between 18 to 20 hours a day. How I had gotten through my PhD as far as I did is beyond me.

Anyway, I just wanted to write a short diary/journal entry to let you all know that I am doing very well and am enjoying my job to a very high intensity :-)

Blair.

mastodon: @dirtycommo@anticapitalist.party email: vidak@riseup.net