My best friend Jack wrote these satirical Channel 9 headlines!
- A mid level administrator within the landscaping Division of - Corporation urinated on a park goer and subsequently attempted to drown her in a lake. A representative of - asked members of the public to show empathy as the man had recently undertaken a difficult transition from the company’s Punitive Interment Division. The same representative informed us that the administrator would be placed on leave while an internal investigation is conducted.
The minister expressed confidence in - and its work as a subcontractor. He refused to comment further, citing national security concerns. The administrator could not be reached for comment.
There is an internet meme circulating in which a lost hen eats a discarded bucket of KFC chicken. It is quite hilarious.
During a parliamentary debate, the foreign minister called the leader of New Zealand’s parliamentary opposition “leftist scum”, and accused party of colluding with the Federal Opposition to “assassinate or otherwise impair” the prime minister. In response to criticism received from New Zealand, the prime minister expressed his support of the foreign minister, whom he described as bringing “a thoughtful grace to our nation’s diplomatic endeavours.”
Special interest groups espousing traditional family values expressed concern that a recent push to lessen the legal penalties placed upon homosexuals would lead to compulsory sodomy in primary schools.
The Investment Property winners Shazza and Brayden join us in the studio to reflect on life, love, and how it feels to hardly even recognise your own country.
The Federal Opposition has backed a government motion solicit bounties for the return of troublesome individuals currently held in punitive internment. Both the Government and Opposition issued a joint statement expressing a desire to reduce the number of deaths caused by accidents within punitive internment camps.
Opinion: If Trump is Joffrey, will Sheryl Sandberg be our Khaleesi?
A new report shows that children are getting dumber and don’t understand the value of respect.
The former treasurer released his memoir today. Apparently there are those within his party whose refusal to back the former minister in three abortive leadership challenges is concurrent with a broad and somehow still shocking misuse of parliamentary entitlements.
Government backbencher believes that recently proposed property qualification for suffrage will teach coddled green-leftists the importance of personal responsibility.
Sebastian Falstaff, a University of Melbourne undergraduate, has released a 7000 page manifesto on dialectical materialism that is said to have sent excited shockwaves throughout radical left wing circles, and is being called the cornerstone a revitalisation of trade unionism throughout the country.
“Call me Ter-Bear”: Our exclusive interview with the country’s wokest premier.